Thanks! I didn't know you were watching the games.
Of course! I try to catch all your games, as my schedule permits. How's the leg?
Doing better, thanks. It's just a bit of a strain, I should be back in service by Wednesday's game.
It's a damn shame, Skippy. It's just like I always say, you can't trust the U.N. one damn inch… The OWS are playing them again tonight, aren't they? You want me to rub out the guy who pushed you?
That's not necessary, Dad, thanks. It wasn't intentional. I hear Badger shoved his face into the boards later in the game, anyway.
Excellent! Glad to hear it. He's got the right stuff, that Richards. Tell'im if he ever needs a job, there's a spot for him in the organization.
Um, yeah, I'll pass that along… So how are things going with you? How's Belinda?
Let's not talk about Belinda.
Why, what's wrong? You're not splitting up, are you?
Things aren't looking too sunny, let me put it that way. I think she's fooling around on me.
… Not the personal bodyguard again?
No, I learned that lesson after I divorced Christiana. It's been female personal bodyguards for Belinda. Listen, though, Skippy, you may appreciate the irony here. I tasked one of my spies to keep an eye on her when I wasn't around. Just in case, you know?
Let me guess, you think she's fooling around with the spy.
I heard it from the personal bodyguard. By the Iron Glove of Yendoss, Skippy, I'm tempted to just kill the bunch of them.
You won't do that, Dad.
Yeah, you're right, dammit. But when I was your age, I would have, in a second! Did I ever tell you about that time in Prague -
No, and you won't now, because I don't want to know. But you said things were "stunning"?
Well, they are! I've got a big caper lined up for the weekend, Skippy, a really big one. If we pull this one off, we'll be a true Global Power, my boy!
What is it?
That's the key, my boy, when there's trouble at home. You've got to pluck up and keep going! A man with vision can't do anything less. Keep that in mind while you're sitting around with that bum leg.
What's the caper, Dad?
It's ambitious! I've had my people place buried explosives at forty carefully chosen spots across Toronto -
Toronto? Are you nuts?!
- and set up a transmitter at the top of the CN Tower. Now, if the authorities don't accede to my demands, I'll activate the transmitter, setting off all the explosives simultaneously and triggering a massive earthquake that'll destroy the city! Ha ha! It's a good one, eh?
Didn't you try something like that in Tokyo five years ago?
That was a tsunami.
Oh, God, Dad, where do I start… first of all, thanks for choosing to devastate a major city close enough for me to feel the tremors. Secondly, if you're looking for that kind of trouble, why don't you just try mugging Captain Toronto and the Mighty Seven at gun-point?
That blow-hard and his team of cape-clad trained apes are a spent force, Skippy. You've been paying too much attention to the sensationalistic press again. You should try getting your news from a solid, respectable source. Just last week the National Post -
By the way, that was a nice picture of you and Conrad Black at Mario's in the Star last week.
That's just what I'm talking about. The sort of left-wing hero-toadying yellow journalism that would impugn a man of Sir Conrad's calibre -
Getting back to this caper of yours -
Right. Skippy, my boy, what you lack at this point in your career is the wisdom that comes with experience, not to mention my keen outlook.
Uh-huh.
It may seem, in the sound-bite description that I just gave you, that this is just the sort of weak, half-hearted scheme that so many of my colleagues have tripped upon over the years. But rest assured, my boy, that I've looked at all of the angles, and considered all of the possible ways that this thing could fail. There is nothing that Captain Toronto or any of the League's other washed-up has-beens could do to stop me from triggering that earthquake, if I choose to do so. You shouldn't be in any danger in Ottawa, by the way…
Thanks. But the CN Tower? You know that's the first place they'll look for the transmitter.
Ah, but it will be practically impossible for anyone to access it! And I've got these robot hawks -
It's the "practically" part that always does you in, Dad. Look, I'm not saying it's a bad plan… why even use the CN Tower in the first place? Why not just use your satellite to transmit the signal?
It's symbolic, Skip…
I understand that, Dad, but it's your need for symbolism that leaves you vulnerable. What about this… you could keep the satellite as a back-up plan. You use it to hijack the mobile phone network and have every cell phone in the city acting as transmitters…
I don't know…
Think of it, Dad! That's millions of microtransmitters across the GTA, there's no way anyone could stop that! You could even key the program to activate when you dial a certain number on your own phone. Just imagine the look on Captain Toronto's face when, after he's seemingly foiled your plans by knocking out the Tower transmitter, you smugly pull out your cell phone and unleash the ultimate seismic catastrophe as easily as downloading a new ring-tone!
I don't know how to download ring-tones, Skip.
That's not the point, Dad -
It's a nice idea, Skip, but it's not quite as simple as you make it out to be.
No, really, it really is simple, Dad. It's a straight-forward bit of hacking, your IT guys should be able to pull it together in a few hours. Hey, if you want I can get my friend Lucky to hook it up for you. You remember, we went to high-school together, and he's a world-class hacker.
We already have the transmitter set up on the Tower.
But that's what I'm saying, you could have this as a back-up plan -
No, Skippy! I told you, I've already planned for every contingency. I appreciate the suggestion, but -
But Dad -
Augustus Skipton Von Dread! I am the Evil Overlord here. I am using the C.N. Tower transmitter, and that's final!
All right, Dad. I'm sorry, I was just trying to help.
Don't worry about it, Skippy, I appreciate your enthusiasm. And here you always said you didn't want to get into the family business. You changing your mind?
No, no, Dad. I just want to play hockey, you know that.
Ah, you'll come around, my boy. You'll come around. Nothing invigorates the blood like ruthless, limitless power!
Whatever makes you happy. Listen, Dad, I have to go. My friend Shelley's over and -
Ha ha, say no more, Skippy my boy. Say no more. A little Florence Nightingale action, eh? Nice work!
Dad…
Okay, okay. Well, take care of that leg, don't try to rush it along.
I will, Dad. Take care of yourself.
You too, Skippy. Ciao!
Bye, Dad…
I'll be there in a second, Shelley, I just need to make one more quick call…
Hi, Lucky? It's Skip… Listen, I need to ask you for a big favour…
Final Score:
Wednesday, Nov 30th @ Ottawa
Ottawa Ongoing Work Stoppages: 5
Peacekeepers: 1
Friday, Dec. 2nd @ Peacekeepers
Ottawa Ongoing Work Stoppages: 0
Peacekeepers: 2
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Uhm, welcome back.
So… about that botched operation…
Comment by jr — January 4th, 2006 @ 4:52 pm