Never Say Die Till You're Dead - Part V

The Story So Far: Hydrogen Guy and Deuterium Boy have been hurled into the future by a mysterious "wizard" calling himself Z. Mere moments after appearing in the year 2135, the Diatomic Duo are captured by BC Telus, whom they last remembered as being the phone company. Their atoms are trapped in magnetic containment bottles and taken back to the Telus Command Complex. Hydrogen Guy escapes from his bottle, but an accident with the Molecular Restoration device leaves Deuterium Boy with the body of an over-weight dwarf. Moments later they are rescued by a team of mercenaries lead by Algernon War, apparently a descendant of Chuck War.

Algernon meets up with his contact Reaper, a grim chap with a scythe who's silences speak volumes. After messily evading some Telus stormtroopers, the Covalent Crusaders, Algernon War, and Reaper make their way to meet with Algernon's employer. Algernon tells Hydrogen Guy and the mentally-unbalanced Deuterium Boy that his world is a chaotic one ruled by large corporations. They arrive at the rendezvous point, and are knocked unconscious by a Marxist waitress's stun gun.

Upon awakening, they find themselves in the office of the omnipotent N, who in this century is CEO of the Concord Pacific Corporate. N tells Hydrogen Guy and Deuterium Boy that he will return them to their own time if they kill Hans-Raoul, the ICBC general who has recently taken over the rival Corporate. He also reveals that Hans-Raoul, who in the 20th century was hired by ICBC to eliminate the Diatomic Duo, is a being from another reality. Hydrogen Guy and Deuterium Boy accept N's proposal, but Algernon refuses to work for Concord Pacific. Instead, they concoct a scheme to burglarize a ConPac manager to pay for Algernon's services.

Got that? Okay, now explain it back to me.

April, 2135: High atop Burnaby Mountain sits a sprawling complex of concrete ruins. At one time in the distant past it was Simon Fraser University. But decades ago, the overbuilt-bulk collapsed, and ever since it has lain abandoned.

Or so it appears. Using the ruins as a screen, ICBC has dug further into the mountain and made it their Supreme Headquarters, away from the prying eyes of rival and allied Corporates.

In the heart of the vast underground complex lies the ICBC Supreme Commander's Control Room. And as of several months ago, the man who has for 130 years been the true power behind ICBC has now officially become the Supreme Commander.

The Control Room is a fairly standard layout - a ring of computer consoles and viewing screens linked to thousands of points across the continent. Usually these screens and consoles would be staffed by loyal ICBC officers and technicians. But they are all now slaved to the massive construct in the middle of the room. This construct is a crystalline sphere, nearly three meters in diameter, sitting atop a hexagonal array of machinery. It is called the Chaos Orb.

There may be other monitoring devices in the Control Room, but none are like the Orb. It is pulsing and whirling with a myriad of colours, like a melted ninety-six pack of crayons. To the trained eye, the colours reveal everything that happens, that has happened, that will happen, and even that which never could and never will happen. The ICBC Supreme Commander watches it now.

He is not much to look at. A human male, slightly overweight, just over six feet in height. His hair is a sandy blond and in disarray. He is dressed in a vaguely military uniform common among ICBC officers. His face is staggeringly nondescript. He could very likely be the sort of person you would stand behind in line at the doughnut shop and never give a second thought to. But he feels the same way about our entire Universe. To him, our reality is as insubstantial as shifting shadows on a cave wall. Nothing but he himself and the Orb are "real". He has dropped the surname Galerkin, and now goes only by the name he is known by in his home Court, Hans-Raoul.

He stands before the Orb, watching and interpreting its shifting patterns. In particular he watches the progress of two humans who ought to be dead, and turns over in his mind how to rectify that situation.

A discreet cough breaks his concentration. He drags his eyes away from the Orb and turns to see a red holographic sprite hovering a few meters away, at the entrance to the room.

Hans-Raoul
Yes, Roger, what is it?

Roger
A gentleman here to see you, m'lord.

Hans-Raoul
I told you no business till the meeting. Who is it?

Roger
The gentleman declined to give his name. He was very insistent, m'lord...

The sprite is brushed aside as one of the smaller forces of nature blows into the room. This man, in sharp contrast to Hans-Raoul, is extremely impressive. He appears to be in a vigorous middle age, his black hair greying at the temples. He is dressed, incongruously with his surroundings, in the uniform of a Roman centurion, complete with armour and cape. The latter is put to very good use by billowing as he sweeps around the room.

Karten
Surely "m'lord" can spare a few moments for his old friend? That's the problem with these places, Hans-Raoul, they give people like us an inflated sense of our own importance.

Hans-Raoul
Karten?!

Karten
It seems lately that every time we meet your greeting consists of speaking my name in the form of a surprised question. Please curb this impulse in the future.

Hans-Raoul
Thank you, Roger, apparently I'll see him now.

Roger
Very good m'lord. May I remind his lordship that the meeting with the Board of Directors is in forty-two minutes?

Hans-Raoul
Thank you.

The sprite bows and vanishes.

Hans-Raoul
How did you get here? I've been watching the Orb for hours and I never saw any trace of you.

Karten
There are ways of avoiding the Chaos Orb, Hans-Raoul. I find them useful to know. I apologize for not contacting you beforehand, but I was just in the neighborhood and it was a spur of the moment thing.

Hans-Raoul
Can I offer you a drink?

Karten
No, thank you. I'm leading my armies through the mountains in the morning and I need to stay to fresh and unclouded.

Hans-Raoul
I see.

Karten chooses the most comfortable chair in the room and makes himself at home. Hans-Raoul settles himself on the edge of the Orb machinery.

Hans-Raoul
I won't ask what you're doing leading armies in that outfit. The answer would probably give me an ulcer.

Karten
No, no, nothing like that. It's just a bit of sport between a colleague and I. She's been laying siege to my city for the past two months, while completely without her knowledge, I've been sacking hers. Tomorrow I bring my armies over the mountains and attack her from behind. She'll be furious.

Hans-Raoul
Roman legions?

Karten
Similar.

Hans-Raoul
That's never been my style of warfare.

Karten
No, you always preferred the high-tech space battles, didn't you? It's too bad, I feel you miss a lot by conducting your maneuvers with hundreds of kilometers of empty void between your units.

Hans-Raoul
Yes, but you also miss the mud and the hacking of limbs by crazed barbarians. I can't get drawn into a debate on the Art of War right now, Karten, I've got a meeting with my Board of Directors in a little while. I'm sacking them.

Karten
What for?

Hans-Raoul
It's time. I'm sorry, it's been a while since I last sent you a report, hasn't it?

Karten
Only a couple weeks.

Hans-Raoul
It's been twenty years here.

Karten
I can never keep track of this place's crazy time flow...

He silently regards the Orb behind Hans-Raoul for a few seconds.

Karten
It's amazing how much the Orb has grown. Remember that night I handed it to you?

Hans-Raoul
Vividly.

Karten
It must be quite powerful now.

Hans-Raoul
The longer the Orb spends in a universe the more it becomes tuned to that reality. The more attuned it is, the more power it has over that reality. And the more that power is used, the more power the Orb gains. When I first came to this reality, I could use the Orb for little more than a vague sort of mystical surveillance system with a limited range. As it grew stronger I was able to use it to help me mould and direct the history of this planet, and to a lesser extent the rest of this galaxy. Now the Orb's tendrils extend throughout space and time.

Karten
You sound like you're ready to make a major move.

Hans-Raoul
I am. A few months ago I openly seized power in ICBC. This afternoon I will be terminating the Board of Directors and assuming total control.

Karten
Ha! That's hubris!

Hans-Raoul
Exactly. It'll get people's attention. They'll start talking about ICBC's new CEO. And when I start taking over other Corporates, they'll really start talking.

Karten
Really stepping out from the shadows now, aren't you?

Hans-Raoul
Nice choice of words... As I said, it's time. I have to be in control of this planet in thirty years when the Jelvans and the Thyrix show up and conquer it.

Karten
How do you know that will happen?

Hans-Raoul
Quite simple. I've already invited them. The message will arrive on Thyrix Prime in twenty eight years, sixty four days, a mere two weeks after they cement their alliance. They'll be ready to start flexing their combined strength and they'll find my offer irresistible. I expect the first advanced scouts in twenty nine years, two days, give or take a few days.

Karten
Your precision is impressive.

Hans-Raoul
The Orb is what's impressive, Karten. It can reach out across the galaxy now. I can make virtually anything happen that I want.

Karten
It lets you control people?

Hans-Raoul
Not people, events! The Orb distorts the subtle texture of reality, so that what I want to happen becomes inevitable. That's how I've sculpted the Earth you see here. When I came to Earth, the humans were at a crucial stage in their history. They were on the verge of becoming a major technological power, but also on the verge of descending into chaos. I pushed them down the road to chaos.

Karten
Yes, it's an impressive exercise in dystopian engineering. I'm still unclear how it works, though.

Hans-Raoul
Think of an example. Suppose I wanted a crash in grain prices. The Orb engineers the right sort of weather phenomenon by influencing the random statistical behavior of air molecules for years in advance. No grotesque violations of physics, just influencing probabilities. Suppose I want to make sure a particular person eats at a certain restaurant so he can be assassinated. The Orb influences probabilities again. A few random electrons cross the wrong junction, his kitchen goes on the fritz, but that's fine because he's got this inexplicable craving for Thai food.

Karten
Fascinating.

Hans-Raoul
It's incredible, Karten. To borrow from the modern popular slang, this Orb's the goods.

Karten
All right, so in thirty-odd years, Earth is overrun by the alien hordes. I presume that's your solution to the human problem?

Hans-Raoul
Partly. With the arrival of the Jelvan-Thyrix Alliance, I'll be able to start expanding through the galaxy. I'll lead them on a jihad against all of the other emerging human societies in the galaxy. I anticipate that in another century, humans will finally be extinct, once and for all.

Karten
And the Elemental threat is extinguished, once and for all.

Hans-Raoul
That's the idea.

Karten
You're doing an excellent job of using the human's unstable nature against them. But, Hans-Raoul, it's all so damned convoluted. Why not just let them nuke themselves into oblivion?

Hans-Raoul
And I would have to do that one planet at a time until all the descendants of the Ancient Republic were destroyed. No, trust me, in the long run this is easier. Better. And thinking in the long run is the only way to make sure the Elementals and their Republic never reappear and become a threat to us.

Karten
The Elementals. You've long since eliminated them here, haven't you?

There is a brief silence.

Hans-Raoul
Just dropping by on the spur of the moment, huh?

Karten
All right, I confess, I've been sneaking peaks at your Orb. That's another trick I find useful to know.

Hans-Raoul
Dammit, Karten, you're making me think you don't trust me.

Karten
Of course I don't trust you. It's good business. So, what about the Elementals?

Hans-Raoul
Somehow they've been brought forward from some point in the past. I don't know how. They were killed in the early 21st century, and their hasn't been any other "superheroes" since the Collapse.

Karten
You seem at a loss.

Hans-Raoul gets up and starts pacing the room.

Hans-Raoul
I'm not "at a loss", I just don't know how it happened! Karten, if your idea was to help me, coming here and criticizing isn't it. If you leave me alone I'll get the job done.

Karten
Easy, kid. I'm just trying to get a handle on the problem. One man working alone with seemingly absolute power and no opposition can sometimes lose his perspective.

Hans-Raoul
No worries there, Karten. With the Orb I've got perspective out the ying yang.

Karten
That's not what I mean.

Hans-Raoul
It's probably some freak temporal anomaly. Funny it didn't show up on the Orb, but as you said, it has a few blind spots.

Karten
It would seem that someone has exploited them.

Hans-Raoul
Impossible. Nobody here could do that.

Karten
It's a big Universe.

Hans-Raoul opens his mouth but is unable to summon a adequate retort. He makes a noise of disgust and dismisses the idea with a wave of his hand.

Hans-Raoul
Anyway, how they got here is irrelevant. They'll be eliminated soon enough and everything will be back on track... not that it's even off track!

Karten
I never implied that it was. So how will the Diatomic Duo meet their second demise?

Hans-Raoul
This time I'll do it personally. I always regretted that I never took Hydrogen Guy on in personal combat. I'm curious how he'll stack up against his ancient predecessor... They'll eventually make their way here. I've had the Orb working on that. And when they do I'll show them some of my tricks. You know, Karten, one of the fabulous things about this reality is the pockets of manna you can stumble across. Enough to do some pretty impressive sorcery.

Karten
Sorcery, now? Your talents continue to grow and amaze me. I'd love a demonstration.

Hans-Raoul
Sorry, it requires preparation. I can't exactly start flinging fireballs around the room at a moment's notice. In fact, as soon as I'm done with the Board of Directors, I'll need to start preparing this room. I've a feeling that this is where it will take place.

He glances up at the wall clock.

Hans-Raoul
I'd better get to the teleconference centre, the meeting's in five minutes.

Karten stands.

Karten
I'll show myself out. Give'em hell, kid.

Hans-Raoul
Good luck on the battlefield tomorrow.

Karten
And good luck conquering the planet. I imagine the next time we speak it will all be over. Hans-Raoul...

He pulls a short black wand out of a pouch at his waist.

Karten
Be careful with the Elementals. Don't let overconfidence set you up for a fall.

Hans-Raoul
Don't worry. They're only human, and I'm --

Karten
Yes, I know what you are. That's why I'm warning you not to be arrogant.

He flicks the wand, which seems to extend into space and vanish. He takes a step forward, and slides out of Hans-Raoul's reality and into the next one. Alone, Hans-Raoul stares at the spot where Karten had stood, then glancing up again at the clock, hurries out of the Control Room.

The trip back to Algernon War's apartment is one fraught with peril - at least from Hydrogen Guy's and Deuterium Boy's points of view. To Algernon War and Reaper it was a fairly smooth commute. Hydrogen Guy would argue about how "smooth" the cab ride from the coffee shop to the edge of Concord Pacific territory was, seeing as how he disapproved of the fact that the cab was half a century old and seemed to lack brakes, and of how the cab driver frequently shot at anything else that moved around them. Deuterium Boy might suggest that "smooth" did not adequately describe the journey through Squatter's Territory, which required the party to dodge random sniper fire, navigate through demolished buildings, and at one point crawl ten meters through a sewer to avoid a police action/gang fight.

After nearly an hour of this, they arrive intact at Algernon War's apartment. Hydrogen Guy had been expecting it to be a ramshackle squat like most of the residences they'd passed, but Algernon lives in what could be described as the "middle class" section of Squatter's Territory. He wouldn't go as far as saying the building looked "nice" or even "safe", but it was certainly livable. The neighborhood is distinctly free of violence, and the street is free enough of debris for ground cars to pass.

Apparently mercenaries made a fairly respectable living.

Algernon's apartment is on the third floor of the building. It is a two room flat consisting of a living room and a bedroom. The living room was crammed full of stuff, most of it things that the 20th century visitors couldn't hope to identify, including the rooms few pieces of furniture. One turned out to be a kind of couch, as Reaper sat on it and showed no ill effects. Of course with Reaper, how can you tell, exactly?

Algernon
Here we are, chaps. GHQ, as it were.

Algernon drops his coat and gear on the floor. The room, as has already been said, is very full, and when filled by the very large Algernon War and the very tall Reaper, it's even fuller.

Hydrogen Guy
You seem to be a collector, Algie.

Algernon beams.

Algernon
Oh, you noticed? If we have time I'll take you around and show you the lot. First, though, I'll have to get the proper gear together for the job. Wait here, I'll be out in a minute.

He pauses.

Algernon
Reaper? Make sure they don't touch anything.

Reaper
[affirmative silence]

Algernon
It's not that I don't trust you fellows, it's just that I know you have no idea what any of this stuff is, and if you poke around you'll probably hurt yourselves or it. Back in a tick.

He disappears into the bedroom. Hydrogen Guy and Deuterium Boy peer curiously at Reaper. He appears to be simply staring out the window. They shrug and start poking around.

As Hydrogen Guy examines what appears to be cybernetic egg-beater, Deuterium Boy calls him over.

Hydrogen Guy
What is it, DB?

Deuterium Boy
I think I found a computer.

Hydrogen Guy
Yikes.

There is definitely a Dvorak keyboard, attached to a box about the size of PC tower. There is no sign of a monitor or any other familiar peripherals, just a flat pad connected to the keyboard and tower. Deuterium Boy points to a set of numbers on the side of the tower.

Deuterium Boy
Check this out...

Hydrogen Guy
Yikes squared.. he's got more computing power here than Canada's Nation Research Council in the 1990's.

Deuterium Boy
Imagine the quality of porn he could get on that.

Hydrogen Guy
I shudder to think. Bet he's got some kick-ass games.

Deuterium Boy
Yeah!

He reaches out to touch the keyboard, and receives a sharp rap on the hand from the butt of Reaper's scythe.

Hydrogen Guy
OW!

Reaper
[disapproving silence]

Hydrogen Guy
I thought you were catatonic.

Reaper
[mocking silence]

Algernon re-emerges from the bedroom, carry a briefcase and an armful of guns.

Algernon
Coo! Can't leave you lot for a minute, can I?

He dumps the guns on the couch. From the collection he takes two large-ish handguns and passes one each to Hydrogen Guy and Deuterium Boy.

Algernon
You'll carry these.

Hydrogen Guy
We don't use guns.

Algernon
If we do this right, you won't have to. Humour me and carry them anyway.

He regards the left over weapons.

Algernon
I've also got a couple sniper rifles in case things get nasty. And this...

He picks up a somewhat beat-up plasma cannon.

Algernon
It's a blink-tagged family heirloom, but after you fragged my LiH cannon it's the only unregistered energy weapon I have left.

Deuterium Boy
Great Pagan Baal, Hydrogen Guy, it's Chuck War's Argon Blast Cannon!

Hydrogen Guy
Heh. GC technology's built to last, apparently.

Algernon
It's a piece of junk and will probably short out after the first shot, but that first shot could be the one that counts. Now, if you'll step out of the way, old byte, I'll start giving you the man page for the task ahead.

He presses a key on the keyboard, and the space above the pad flickers to life. A three dimensional hologram of the familiar Xwin desktop appears. Algernon sticks his finger into the hologram and pokes a series of file icons. An image of a luxuriant house appears in the holofield.

Algernon
This is the digs in question - located 371 Campbell Drive, North Vancouver. Owner, one Reginald Vandreskhanar-Gariepy, CCP, Senior Acquisitions Manager, Sector 21-colon-five, Concorde Pacific. Reginald-san has had his Citizen status for ten years, and is estimated to be worth nearly 500 Pb. He is also possessed of the eccentric habit of using a raft of offline mid-21st century magnetic hard disks to keep several petabytes in his bedroom. Dashed clever, actually - low security, but who the gates has the equipment to read magnetic drives anymore? He might as well be using punch cards.

Hydrogen Guy
But let me guess - you can read his drives.

Algernon
Bang on. Last week I came into the possession of these little beauties - Reaper, hand me that box, will you? There's a good fellow - ooh! Heavy...

He puts the box down next to the computer and pulls out a handful of...

Deuterium Boy
ZIP disks?

Algernon
Ho. An old gaffer sold me a whole crate of them for the price of a bottle. And now, here's the booter, lads - a working ZIP drive! This little beauty's older than I am, but it still reads and writes like billy-o. I've got all the cables and connectors too. VG's drives are 644 to me.

Reaper
[skeptical silence]

Algernon
Don't go getting all Dischordian on me, Reaper old chum. All we have to do is get into Reggie-san's bedroom and hook up the drives. Drawback is, of course, each one of these little blighters only holds a paltry 2.5 terabytes, so we'll have to take a dozen or so of the bally things.

Hydrogen Guy
We'll just fill our pockets, I guess. So what about security?

Algernon
Well, as indicated by his penchant for hoarding, the Vandreskhanar-Gariepy is a thrifty old miser. Thus his security system is the cheapest money can buy, i.e., easy enough to get around. Biggest problem will be avoiding the ConPac patrols, but with Reaper along as our stealth expert, that should be easy enough. Only occupants of the house are Reggie-san and his daughter Vananda. The latter is currently weekending at the Whistler compound, and the former has an offsite board meeting from 1800 to at least 2300 this evening. We couldn't choose our time any better.

Suddenly the door opens and a tall blond man rushes into the apartment. Algernon looks at him in shock.

Algernon
Bingley?!

Bingley
Algie! Thank Eris I found you! And you've still got the merchandise!

Algernon
No longer merchandise but employers, my dear Bingley. Dash it, Bingley, what the gates happened to you? Where are the others?

Bingley
Didn't make it, I'm afraid. Telus had us pinned down, and then opened up with smoker rockets. I got away but didn't see the others. I tried their phones, but they're 404.

Algernon
I tried you and you were 404. Where've you been?

Bingley
Trying to find you and running from the bloody Tel'. They tore the Pizza Kremlin apart, Algie, and there'll be the Gates to pay for that. Oh, hullo, Reaper.

Reaper has been backing away while Algernon and Bingley have been talking. He is holding his scythe in a ready position. He points his finger at Bingley and shakes his head.

Deuterium Boy
What's wrong with him?

Algernon
Pull it together, Reaper, it's only Bingley.

Bingley
Don't mind him, Algie. I told you he was a freak of the first order. Listen, Algie, Telus is on their way. They've --

An explosion shakes the building!

Voice over Loudspeaker
Algernon War! You are under arrest. Surrender yourself and your companions peaceably. Drastic consequences are imminent.

Another explosion punctuates their point.

Bingley
You'd best do as they say, Algie. Things could go very rough for us otherwise.

Algernon grabs a sniper rifle and rushes into the bedroom. He rushes back a half second later.

Algernon
Gar! Dashed cheek of them, bringing half a unit into the Squat. They've got the whole bloody street closed off. Come on, chaps, if we shimmy down the fire-escape I'll bet we can make a dash for it without their notice.

Bingley interposes himself between the computer station and the fire escape's emergency door.

Bingley
Don't be a fool, Algie! Give yourselves up!

Algernon
I must confess Bingley, that I'm a bit puzzled by this sudden pro-Telus bent of yours.

Bingley responds by grabbing the other sniper-rifle and pointing it casually at Algernon, Hydrogen Guy and Deuterium Boy.

Bingley
I'm merely thinking of our collective well-being, Algie old squid. Telus is hard but fair. If you surrender I'm sure a brief chat will clear everything up to everyone's satisfaction.

Algernon moves towards the fire escape. Bingley blocks him again.

Algernon
Open the fire escape door, Bingley.

Bingley
I'm afraid I can't do that, Algie.

Meanwhile, Reaper has circled around behind Bingley without detection. The wraith carefully uses the end of his scythe to dislodge Bingley's jacket. Bingley's torso shows signs of having recently met up with a very large projectile, namely, a gaping hole. Bingley turns around, furious.

Bingley
Listen, freak, keep away from me lest I blow your bloody head off!

Algernon
Bingley, old chap, forgive me if I'm pushing the limits of our friendship, but I don't recall your having several fatal chest wounds last time we met.

Bingley's response is to whip around and fire the sniper rifle. Hydrogen Guy and Deuterium Boy react with lightning atomic speed, pulling Algernon down with them. Algernon's computer station explodes in a shower of plastic and silica. The undead Bingley turns to deal with Reaper, but Reaper has already swung his scythe. In a fluid motion Bingley's head detaches from his body as the body is rent in two. The mess is considerable.

Algernon and the Diatomic Duo get to their feet and survey the mess.

Algernon
Bloody fragging hell... he was a fragging Telus nanite zombie...

Hydrogen Guy
A what?

Algernon
I've heard of them but this the first time I've encountered one... a Corporate takes a recently dead body and uses these microscopic bio-mechanical robots - "nanites", if you will - to repair enough of the damage for the body to start functioning again. They also rewire the brain so that it's under the control of the Corp's central computer. Coo! Poor Bingley probably led them right to us. Come on, blokes, grab up the ZIP gear and out the fire escape - Telus will probably open up as soon as the computer realizes it's lost contact with Bingley. Out and away!

Deuterium Boy
Good call, Reaper.

Hydrogen Guy
Hey, if there's anything he knows, it's dead and undead, right?

Reaper
[hurried silence]

They immediately take the wraith's point. Hydrogen Guy and Deuterium Boy gather up what's left of Algernon's ZIP disks. The drive, luckily, is intact. Algernon grabs the weapons and his briefcase, kicks open the fire escape door, and leads them scampering down the rickety steps into the back alley. Once on solid ground, they run.

Mere moments later, the sound of thunder erupts behind them as the Telus assault team opens up on Algernon's apartment building. A cloud of dust and rubble indicates that the building isn't holding up well.

They keep running until the sound of the assault is just a faint rumble. All but Reaper collapse on a sidewalk.

Algernon
Coo! Gar! And bloody fragging hell! You lot are bad juju, you know that? First my friends, now my apartment. If we don't fragging get this fragging money so I can fragging buy my fragging dairy, I'll fragging frag my own fragging head off.

Hydrogen Guy
Better?

Algernon
Marginally. Well, we may as well head round to Vandreskhanar-Gariepy's and start surveillance. We'll want to get on it as soon as he leaves.

Deuterium Boy
How are we going to get there? We can't exactly take a cab.

Deuterium Boy's question is immediately answered as a sleek, graphite-coloured automobile pulls up in front of them. The tinted window rolls down to reveal Reaper at the wheel.

Algernon
Coo! Where'd you get a car like that?

Hydrogen Guy
Don't ask, don't tell. Shotgun!

Algernon
I thought you said you didn't use guns.

Deuterium Boy
Never mind. HG, let Algie sit in the front. He's bigger than you and he's having a bad day.

Hydrogen Guy
HE'S having a bad day? Have you looked in a mirror lately? Sorry DB... Hey, can we stop and get something to eat? DB and I have eaten in about 150 years.

Algernon
We'll get drive through.

Deuterium Boy looks at the characteristically silent driver.

Deuterium Boy
Yeah, that'll be a challenge.

A Challenge Indeed! Next stop: the Robbery at Vandreskhanar-Gariepy's. And wacky hijinks ensues! In Part VI of...

Never Say Die Till You're Dead
Same Hydrogen time - same Hydrogen website!