Episode 85
...from the Files of Hydrogen Guy
Part II
She remembered, when she was seven years old, watching the evening news with her mother Doris, and bursting into tears. She ran upstairs and tore down the posters on the wall that she had gazed up at every night, imagining that she was the beautiful Shimmerstar, and her friends the brave and valiant Jacks of Hearts. Her mother had held her and comforted her, and after her tears had stopped and she was supposed to have fallen asleep, she remembered her mother's voice downstairs, telling her father how she'd always believed it was a mistake to trust in heroes.
Katrina "Kate" Nereid didn't know what had dredged this ancient memory up as she walked in Kanaka Park with her friend Lola Lakefront-Property. She pushed it aside as she realised Lola was talking.
Lola
Listen to us,
'Trina... who would ever think I'd be trying to counsel you with your
dating angst...
Kate
I don't
know. Talking to you helped me get over Peter.
That's different. Jim isn't half the jerk Peter was.
Kate
True... You think he's worth hanging on
to?
Lola
The question is, do
you?
Kate
Of course...
I just don't know if he thinks I am... Lo, what did you mean before,
when you said you thought he had a good reason to keep me out of parts
of his life?
Lola was silent for the space of several breaths.
Lola
It's my reporter's instincts working
overtime... I dunno what his problem is, Kate, maybe's he's just
gay.
Kate
I know he
isn't gay. I'm serious, Lola, what is it? You think he's doing something
illegal?
Lola
Not
exactly...
Kate
What does that mean?
Lola
He doesn't go outside the law if he
can help it...
Kate
Wha...
She stopped, for what was probably the fourth time in a hundred meters.
Kate
Lola! Are you saying you think Jim is
secretly some kind of superhero?!
Lola held her hands up defensively.
Lola
You said it, not me.
Yolanda St. Claire - commonly known to the world at large as Helium Girl - pulled herself out of the back seat of her Miata and glared furiously at the woman in front of her. That she was climbing out through what used to be the trunk and rear window, and that the Miata had been thrown about four (occupied) parking spaces from where she'd originally parked it, went part of the way towards explaining her fury.
The object of Yolanda's wrath wore the outer form of Robyn Cheung, though at the moment she seemed more like the incarnation of wrath herself. Whatever she was, Robyn was not herself, a pair of vaguely luminous space-black orbs having replaced her eyes, and red after-sparks dancing across her outstretched hands. Her long black hair billowed around her in a non-existent wind.
In fact, she showed many of the classic signs of advanced demonic possession.
As she climbed back out of the car, Yolanda's hand fell on one of the bags she'd placed in the trunk moments before. A spring of triumph welled up inside her. Emerging from the wreckage, she pulled the bag out with her. Still glaring defiantly at Robyn Cheung, Yolanda tore the intact, gorgeous green pea coat (40% off from one of Dewdney's best stores) out of the bag and slipped it on. She nonchalantly batted out a small flame on the hem of the coat.
Yolanda
That, was like, totally your
second mistake.
Robyn wasn't quite prepared when a three foot ball of helium plasma, several thousand degrees Kelvin in temperature, slammed into her with a sound something like a small but boisterous Concorde. Her body smashed through the Gucci billboard at the edge of the parking lot, then through the glass front window of a store across the street. Her consciousness swam; she was barely aware of the screams and shouts of confusion around her, and the strong smell of ozone, burning hair and fabric. As she opened her eyes, they briefly flickered back to normal. She was subconsciously pleased to see that, at least, she had landed inside a good store. Then the blackness returned and all she felt was rage.
A considerable crowd had gathered around her, and several people were asking her if she was all right, and trying to help her up. She shook them off forcefully - she was vaguely aware of a male sales clerk colliding with a mannequin several feet away - as the crowd parted and Yolanda strode towards her. The crowd fell silent.
Your first mistake was implying that I'm fat.
An inhuman shriek tore from Robyn's throat as she launched herself at Yolanda. Yolanda leaped seconds before Robyn's claws were at her throat, sailing into the air in the perfect position to connect a kick with Robyn's chin. Robyn's head snapped back at an unnatural angle (unusual flexibility of the neck - another sure sign). She sprang into the air an incredible six feet, grabbed the floating Yolanda by the throat, and then pulled her back down to the earth.
Yolanda dissolved into invisible helium gas just before they hit the sidewalk. Robyn got to her feet, looking furiously for her opponent. The crowd had backed away, giving the combatants a good twenty feet in every direction.
Sirens blared, brakes squealed, and three MRPD officers with guns drawn forced their way through the crowd.
Officer
All right, FREEZE! Hands on your
head!
More police emerged from the crowd, and in seconds Robyn was surrounded. Guns pointed at her from all sides.
Robyn
<="Arial" COLOR="Maroon">Where is she?
Officer
I said, Hands... On... Your
Head!
Robyn
And I said where is she?!
Powerful arcs of red electricity erupted from her hands and engulfed the nearest policemen. The energy leapt from body to body, and before any could fire a shot, Robyn was the centre of a ring of red electrical fire and convulsing police officers. The remaining civilian crowd fled in panic.
Yolanda
HEY! BITCH! I'm up here!
Robyn looked up, following the voice. Yolanda stood on the roof, hands on her hips, staring back down at her. She still wore the green pea coat.
Yolanda
Are you, like, going to bring it, or
what?
Robyn's electrical onslaught ceased, and the police dropped to the ground like discarded camisoles. Robyn crouched to the ground, and then leapt...
Hydrogen Guy
Great Feynman's Ghost.
He sat at his usual table in the Django Djava, massaging his chin worriedly in one hand. He stared at a chair leg 120° away from his companion across the table, Chuck War. As Hydrogen Guy turned over the implications of Chuck's revelation in his mind, the Djava's owner, Carl, silently replaced Chuck's empty espresso cup and then melted back into the background.
Hydrogen Guy turned back to Chuck.
Chuck, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cast any aspersions on Lola, I just --
Chuck War
Shut up for a
moment. See, HG, this is exactly the root of the problem. If Lola
knows your secret, you can trust her. And you can sure as hell trust
Kate with it.
Hydrogen Guy
Chuck, I'm sorry, this is a serious
issue. I can't just say, oh well, a friend has discovered I'm
really Hydrogen Guy. Lola's a reporter, for Feynman's sake!
Chuck War
So what?
Hydrogen Guy
So WHAT? Chuck, DB and I are
practically her speciality. I can't just assume she'd keep
it a secret, I have to be sure!
For just a moment, Chuck looked angry. Extremely angry. The sort of angry that not even the cruellest, most brazen, blood-thirsty Slaxian raiders had ever seen on his face, and if they had, would have sent them running for the nearest fortified escape pod. The sort of angry that Robyn Cheung would have understood implicitly and identified with.
Then it passed. Chuck let out a deep breath he hadn't been aware he was holding, and sipped his new espresso.
Chuck
War
Yeah. Yeah, you're right. You gotta be sure. Well, I'm
telling you, you can be sure. I don't think she'd ever publish
it, but if you want, I'll talk to her about it.
Hydrogen Guy
No, no. I'm willing to take your
word for it. I'm sorry, Chuck.
Chuck
War
Me, too... but HG, there's nothing stopping you from just
telling Kate.
Hydrogen Guy
I told you, she doesn't like
superheroes.
Chuck War
But
she likes you.
Hydrogen
Guy
Yeah...
Chuck
War
A lot. Lola's told me how she talks about
you.
Hydrogen Guy
Well, I
like her a lot too. I like her like her.
Chuck War Like her like her?
Hydrogen Guy
Yeah.
Chuck War
Then, HG, you gotta tell
her.
Hydrogen Guy sighed heavily.
Chuck War
Hey,
c'mon, HG. I suspect it's less of a risk than you think. And I know
she'd prefer to hear it from you than from Lola.
Hydrogen Guy
Maybe you're right...
Hydrogen Guy jumps in his chair at a discreet cough immediately beside him. He looks up to see Carl standing at his shoulder. He is wearing an over-long black turtleneck, cargo pants, and a fedora tipped at a rakish angle. A bright magenta scarf is draped across his throat and shoulders.
Hydrogen Guy
Carl!
Carl
Gentlemen --
Just the man I needed to see. Maybe you can dispense some of that famed gypsy advice to us.
Carl spread his hands solicitously.
Carl
I
endeavour to serve as always. But I feel I must draw your attention
--
Hydrogen Guy
Suppose you
were a superhero, and your lady love was currently angry with you
because your busy superhero lifestyle is making it appear that you don't
want to spend time with her.
Carl looked as if he desperately needed to interrupt. However, he merely respond with an encouraging, "Yes..."
Hydrogen Guy
It occurs to you that the only way
to truly smooth things over, restore her trust in you as it were, were
to come clean about your secret identity.
Am I to understand that the young lady is unaware that you are anything more than the dashing civilian man she loves?
Hydrogen
Guy
Precisely.
Carl
I see. Then, clearly, as in all things, the
truth shall set you free.
Hydrogen Guy
But Carl, there is a wrinkle. The
young lady in question strongly objects to superheroes.
Carl
My friend, there is nothing else to
it. I truly, deeply believe that in any relationship, the truth is the
only thing that will serve. The only question is, which version
of the truth is the most appropriate.
Hydrogen Guy
Carl, you're an oracle.
Carl
I endeavour to serve. My friends, I
feel it is my duty to point out that the city news is reporting that
Helium Girl and an unknown female combatant are currently creating a
disturbance in the shopping district.
Chuck War
What?!
Property damage is so far estimated to be quite high.
Hydrogen
Guy
Oh, lord...
Carl
For your own interests, I would suggest
putting an end to this display. I may begin to feel nervous about
letting her into my café.
And, like all good Shakespearean figures, Carl uses this couplet to exit the scene gracefully.
Kate
Lola, you're nuts.
Lola
Well, think about it! He's keeping
secrets from you, he's always rushing off on some emergency or other, he
knows Chuck -- ah, oops.
Kate
It's okay, I already knew he didn't
work for Canada Customs.
Lola
Sorry.
Kate
Forget about it. But that's all
circumstantial! He's a world-famous scientist, Lola, he does put a
lot of time into his work --
Lola
If he was an experimentalist, okay, I could
see him having to rush off to the lab at all hours. But he's a theorist,
Kate. You know what that entails, right? He runs simulations on
computers and writes equations on a blackboard.
Kate
The computers can crash. And he has
experimentalists working with him, like David. So if there was
something up with their experiments --
They'd handle it. For all the time he spends in the lab, he must publish at a pretty impressive rate, huh?
Kate
Well, I know
he spends a lot of time writing and rewriting papers --
Lola
I looked up his publication record,
Kate. In the last five years, since he did the work that got him the
Zerfelda prize, his publication rate has fallen off considerably. In
fact, he hasn't put out a paper in the last ten months. That's pretty
unusual considering his profile, and the publish-or-perish pressure that
even average scientists live under...
Kate
Stop it, Lola.
Lola
Sorry. 'Trina, I'm just worried about
you. If Jim's really who I think he is, you could end up in a lot
of danger one of these days.
Kate
Who, Lola? Who do you think Jim
really is?
Lola hesitated.
Lola
He... I don't really think it's my
place to tell you...
Kate
Oh,
but you can tell me you think he's a superhero?
Lola
All the pieces are there, Kate. Just look at
them right and the picture will come together.
Lola, you're wrong. You're completely and totally wrong.
Lola
I've been around both Jim and -- the local
superheroes. There are coincidences that are getting hard to
ignore.
Kate
A coincidence is
sometimes just a coincidence. Besides, Lola... you don't know him the
way I do. Jim could never be a hero, super or otherwise...
She started walking again, briskly. Lola nearly had to jog to keep up.
Kate
One time last spring, Jim and I were on our
way to dinner. I was driving through a residential area and Jim was in
the passenger seat. We pulled up to this stop sign and there was a group
of people by the side of the road. One of them was a young woman lying
on the ground, next to a bike, and a man and a woman were leaning over
her. From her face you could see she was in a lot of pain, there had
obviously been an accident of some kind and this woman was hurt. I said
to Jim, maybe he should get out and see if they needed any help. He just
sat there with this utterly terrified look on his face, almost like he
hadn't heard me. I repeated myself, and then he looked at me, and
reluctantly got out of the car. He was over with them for less than ten
seconds, then he turned and came back to the car, with this obvious look
of relief on his face. The man had told him they'd already called an
ambulance. So we just shrugged our shoulders and drove off.
Lola walked along beside her in silence.
Kate
I knew, Lola,
that Jim was relieved, not because there was help on the way, but
because we - he - didn't have to do anything. The thought of having to
help this poor young woman who'd been hit by a car, or whatever, scared
the shit out of him. That's not the reaction of a superhero, is it? A
superhero would have said, fuck the ambulance, and flown her to the
nearest hospital or doctor. Or at least taken her into the car, or tried
some first aid, or something. But Jim was just glad to have an excuse to
get out of there. And you know what, Lola? So was I. I was just as
scared I'd have to do something as he was, and I don't blame him one bit
for his reaction, because even though I was the one who practically
pushed him out of the car - I stayed in the car. I don't
have whatever it is that superheroes have inside them, to push aside
their own concerns and help people, and neither does Jim. And I love him
anyway.
Kate wiped her eyes on her coat sleeve.
Kate
I don't know what you think, Lo, but no
matter how you look at it, that's not what Hydrogen Guy or Alpha Man or
Jack Flash would've done.
Lola
Kate...
She put her arm around her friend and squeezed her reassuringly. Kate slowed her breakneck pace and leaned her head on her friend's shoulder.
Lola
'Trina, I'm sorry...
Lola
No, no, I'm really sorry... I... I don't
know, I guess I was looking for something that wasn't there... I just
get so wrapped up in my work, I --
Kate
It's okay. I'm sorry too.
They slowed next to a park bench.
Kate
Let's sit.
Okay.
They sat.
Kate
I'll call him when I get home. I'll ask him
what the problem is, and we'll talk. It'll be okay.
Lola
Yeah? Y'sure?
Yeah. Sure.
Lola
Okay... just --
Yeah, yeah, I'll be careful...
Lola
And if you
get hurt, I'm gonna kick his ass.
Kate
You'll have to get in line.
She shivered slightly, and pulled her jacket close around her.
Kate
Is it just
me, or did it just get a lot colder all of a sudden?
Under normal circumstances, Robyn Cheung would have never dreamed of leaping over three vertical stories from a standstill. Especially in the heels she was currently wearing. But then she wouldn't have considered shooting red lightning bolts from her fingertips, either.
Yolanda leaped back just as Robyn landed on the roof edge, where'd she been standing just moments before. Almost immediately, Robyn opened up with the electrical fireworks; Yolanda blocked it with a ball of helium plasma, which she summoned as a shield. The battle became one of endurance; whose otherworldly energy reserves could last longest.
It was not the sort of contest Yolanda wanted to get into. God (or something) only knew from where Robyn was getting that kind of energy, but Helium Girl was basically running off a Power Bar for breakfast and an Earl's pasta salad for lunch. She would be the one, most likely, who'd give out first, and if so, she'd better do it on her own terms...
Slowly, Yolanda started walking towards Robyn. The electrical onslaught was like a hurricane force wind pushing her back, but Yolanda gritted her teeth (literally) and inch by inch, moved forwards. Robyn turned up the power, standing her ground.
Yolanda felt her power dwindling. The glare of colliding charged particles grew brighter as she drew closer. Well, she had to be burning calories like crazy, at least... Come on, just a few more feet! I'm like, almost there...
Robyn had lost Yolanda in the glare; she simply kept poring it on. Yolanda was now almost with arm's reach; she pushed whatever she could into the dwindling barrier, balled her right hand into a fist, and pushed through the blaze between them.
With the unerring luck of a superhero, Yolanda connected with Robyn's chin. The electrical barrage broke off, and Robyn stumbled back. Yolanda followed through with another solid punch, and then another, and they were at the edge of the roof --
Robyn grabbed her by the lapels of the contested pea coat, lifted Yolanda nearly over her head, and tossed her off the side. Yolanda's grip locked onto her wrist, and Robyn went over with her. Robyn made another grab for the coat, and then the two were grappling, floating in mid-airt with their backs against the wall of the building, three strories above Dewdney Trunk road. Yolanda twisted around and slammed Robyn against the building; the stone splintered against the blow. Robyn's hands were at her throat, and Yolanda was pinning her legs against the wall with her knees when --
Deuterium
Boy
HELIUM GIRL!!
Yolanda spared a glance downwards. Deuterium Boy was standing in the street, next to a rather shaken police officer, staring up at her in annoyance.
Yolanda
DB.. kind of... busy... right
now... !
Deuterium Boy
Great
raging Harpies, what the hell are you doing?!
Robyn
AAAAAGH!!
Deuterium Boy and the police officer shielded themselves from chunks of stone dislodged from the wall of the building in the explosion. When the rain of debris tapered off, they looked up. The damage to the top of the building was significant. But there was no trace of Robyn Cheung.
Deuterium Boy raced across the street to Yolanda's landing spot. The police officer followed at a more normal human speed.
Yolanda
Ow...
Deuterium Boy
Helium Girl? Yolanda? Are you
okay?
He extended a hand, and they helped her climb out of the hole. Her face was smudged and dirty, bits of pavement and debris were tangled in her singed hair, and she was scraped and bruised.
But the coat was still intact.
She leaned heavily on Deuterium Boy.
Yolanda
Dave? Dave?
Deuterium Boy
Right here.
Yolanda
Dave, I'm really gonna hurt tomorrow
morning.
Deuterium Boy
I
know.
Yolanda
She attacked me. I was, like, really
mad, and she wanted to take my coat, and then, and then
--
Deuterium Boy
Shh, it's
okay. You'll be fine, it's all over now.
Yolanda
Is my hair okay?
You look wonderful. Come on, let's take a ride in the nice ambulance...
Robyn Cheung felt like Mongolian comfort girl the morning after Ghengis and the horde had ridden through town. When she regained consciousness, she was lying in bed on her stomach. Well, perhaps "consciousness" is something of an exaggeration. She was no longer completely insensate. She drifted in and out of this semi-aware state for a while, maybe half an hour, before she felt up to opening her eyes and taking stock of the situation.
She was, as stated, lying face down in bed. The room was dark. There was a damp patch of drool on the pillow beside her. She was naked; she could blearily make out the clothes she'd put on that morning in a pile at the foot of the bed. Maybe it was just her imagination, but they looked... burnt.
She found her glasses, and the clock. It was nearly seven. She lay back down on the bed and wracked her brain - well, within reason, since really strenuous thinking hurt at the moment. Last thing she remembered... the store, on Dewdney... a blonde girl with a coat she'd wanted... she'd walked out, and then...? Trying to think beyond that seemed to make her headache worse.
She felt sick to her stomach. She'd blacked out like this once before, in Boise. She'd never found out why, or what she'd done during the missing time... But this felt much, much worse. For one, her skin felt tender, almost burned, all over. Every muscle in her body ached. She ran her hand through her hair, and yanked it away in shock when she felt some of it was crisp and burnt.
For a moment she panicked. Then, she pulled herself together. Whatever had happened, she'd get to the bottom of it. She'd start by going back to the store, retracing her steps... if she had to, she could force Hans-Raoul to help her.
But first she needed to go back to the office. He'd be back from Nanaimo tomorrow, and expecting that report on his desk...
She threw on the softest, least constraining sweatshirt and pants she owned, and as fast as her aching body allowed, rushed out.
She was a little surprised when to find the office lights still on. She let herself in the front door, and closed it behind her. Hans-Raoul was sitting at her desk.
Hans-Raoul
Robyn.
Hey. I thought you were in Nanaimo...
She heard a metallic sound, and suddenly a number of armed ICBC troopers stepped into view. Two were at her elbow, four others had been standing at the sides of the room. All were pointing very large, almost cannon-like, weapons directly at her.
Hans-Raoul
I came back early.
Robyn
What the hell is all this?
Hans-Raoul
You tell me.
He stood up and walked around her desk.
Hans-Raoul
Would you mind telling me
what happened downtown this afternoon?
Downtown?
Hans-Raoul
Yes. Why, in
particular, the news reports were showing Helium Girl and a woman who
looked very much like you, wearing the sweater I gave you for your
birthday, trading energy blasts on Dewdney Trunk this
morning.
Robyn stared at him. She had to force herself to breathe.
Hans-Raoul
When you joined this department, Ms.
Cheung, you had to sign a declaration that you had no undisclosed
metahuman abilities. I would be very disappointed in you if you
had lied.
Robyn
I... this is all a mistake, I... I
think...
Hans-Raoul
I hope
for your sake it is.
She was very, very conscious of the six blaster rifles trained on her. He walked closer to her, stopping a few feet from her.
Hans-Raoul
The Comptroller wants to speak with
you. We have one hour until then. I suggest if you have anything to say,
you start talking now.
At about seven thirty, a very tired Jim Evans let himself into his apartment, dropping his trenchcoat and satchel on the floor. It took him a moment to realise the living room light was on.
Evans
Kate?
Hi. I let myself in.
Evans
Ah.
Kate
I'm
sorry.
Evans
No, I'm sorry. You're right. Well, I mean,
you're partly right, I've been --
Kate
Shut up. Please, shut up.
Evans
No, Kate, I can't shut up now. I
have something I have to tell you. There's something I've been keeping
from you, the reason why I've been so weird --
I know, I know. Don't tell me, okay?
Evans
What?
She backed away from him a little and looked into his eyes.
Kate
Please,
don't.
Evans
I
don't -- what? You don't know what I'm going to say, do you?
Kate
I told you, shut up.
Just assume I know everything you're going to say, and don't say it. I
don't want you to tell me.
Evans
O-kay. But I want to tell you.
Kate
Don't. Tell me what I want to hear,
instead.
He drew her close again.
Evans
Okay... I love
you. You're important to me, the most important thing to
me...
Kate
That's not true...
Evans
Your turn to shut up, I'm talking... I'm
sorry I've been letting us languish... I've been trying to do so many
things, too many things... I promise you, from the bottom of my geeky
little heart, I'll put you first from now on.
I don't always wanna be first, just promise me I'll be on the list.
You will be. High on the list.
Kate
And we'll stop
doing these stupid dates.
Evans
Yes... and I won't stay out as
late.
Kate
Okay.
They held each other in silence for several minutes.
Evans
Hey...
Kate
Hm?
Evans
What do you say to sandwiches for dinner
and an early bedtime?
Kate
Okay.
She kissed him. They were still kissing several minutes later when his cell rang. She gently pushed him away, and for a moment he was afraid for a repeat of the last time his phone had rung. But she was looking at him gently, and smiling softly.
Kate
Answer it.
Whatever it is, it's not important. They can do without me.
Kate
You don't know that. Answer
it.
He smiled, and shrugged. He pulled the phone from his back pocket, hit "talk". and held it to his ear.
Evans
Yes?
Deuterium Boy's voice answered back. There was some unidentifiable commotion in the background.
Deuterium Boy
HG?
It's me, Dave. Look, whatever it is --
Deuterium
Boy
HG, we have a problem. A big problem. You need to get down to
the Natural History Museum now.
There was something in his voice that chased almost all thoughts of romance out of Evans' mind. He looked at Kate, whose smile was fading into a look of concern.
Kate
What? What is it?
It's...
Kate
Do you have to go?
Evans
I... But...
Jim... look at me! Do you have to go?
Evans
I...
yes.
Kate
Then
go. And be careful.
He looked at her, feeling himself pulled in two directions as he often did, but now, so much worse.
Kate
Jim, you're
keeping him waiting.
Evans
Ah, right... Dave?
Deuterium Boy
Yes! HG, are you coming or not, dammit?!
Evans
I'll be there
as soon as I can. Out.
He hung up the phone, and kissed Kate.
Evans
I'll be back as soon as I can,
too.
Kate
I know. I'll
wait.
Evans
Not for long.
He kissed her again, then stopped only long enough to grab his trenchcoat. She shut the door behind him as he raced out.
Kate
Good luck, Hydrogen
Guy...
She walked back to the living room and went to the window. Strangely enough, it was snowing.
[fade to white; roll credits]